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Hermit How-To


This is not meant to be a sole guide to make a complete conversion from a normie to a hermit. This will not give instant results, you must apply yourself!

Congratulations! You have decided to become a full fledged hermit, here we will instruct you and help you make the transition easier then ever. You will make this transition slowly but surely, you may resist yourself, but just remember and run through your head these reasons of being a hermit is so beneficial. Lets start out with some basics and how tos..


1. OK so you made up your mind on to be a hermit, now what? Firstly lets start with your future dream shell. Now if you are a total normie you probably have numerous posters of things such as sports figures, cars, etc. Take these down, replace those posters with things such that reflect your ideology (i.e. big poster that says "i read banned books") anime, gaming, and all that good stuff. Follow this procedure with anything else related. Then its good to have a well-prepared room, if you have a T.V. , radio, VCR; fine. Have those ready when you become bored and can entertain yourself quickly, its good to have a stock of tapes near your VCR if get bored. Your radio can be programmed to have anything ready to play, while we are on the subject of music, lets go and weed out some unneeded cds. Take a real GOOD look at them (listening helps to..) and clear your mind, ask yourself, "do I really like this music? Did I buy it because it was just the "cool" band/singer at the time?" If you have any cds that you dislike now because of your new found knowledge then you can do a lot of good things with the cds. One you can use them as coasters you can never have enough coasters! You can also use it as a makeshift mirror, frisbee, entertainment device for the kids, etc.

Its good to have an organized and clean shell, it all depends on how you see fit to organize it.

With your shell being your total inhabitance I advise you invest in a small refigirator to keep refreshments in so that you can minimize trips out of your shell, Chek Cola is good, also keep PLENTY of fresh ice in supply, ice is invaluable I'll tell you that. Make sure you can control every aspect of your shell, I like to keep a fresh supply of air circulating around the room, I have one ceiling fan on high and another portable fan on high 24/7 so that oxygen can reach my superior hermit brain.

Computers are great aren't they? If you are fortunate to have one of these seksi machines then you don't even need a TV or VCR for entertainment or stimulation, music can be played on them (, you can get news from the outside world if you really feel a need to, you can communicate with other remote hermits around the world, etc. The possibilities are endless, I keep both of my computers on 24/7 so that they can be accessed anytime. Now Go play a game or something..


Now that you have your domain pretty much setup, we need to do something about.. YOU. Choosing to be a hermit is great, but its nice to actually act like one, look, think like one. Now I don't mean that I'm going to turn you into a complete cyborg, this would be to contradictary of my purpose, these are just some basic habits you should follow. Take a look at yourself, what do you see? Do you see suburban pimp who wears labels such as "tommy hilfiger, fubu, polo", etc. Well its time you know the truth about those labels, sure the clothes look nice sometimes (sometimes..) you are really paying for the advertising when you can goto an outlet mall or something and get the same thing (without the oh so catchy logos) for hella cheap. So its good to do that, but what to do with those shirts? Well you can sell them, donate them to some shelter, or you can have them be a fuel source since those clothes are highly flammable.

Now shoes.. hmm, this is a sensitive issue. Nike does make some good shoes for a reasonable price for there older models, however I strongly advise you not even pay attention to these new shoes they make, they look like udder crap most of them and cost two hundred dollars! What the flippin fuck?! Anyways shoes should reflect your needs, since hermits don't walk a lot you probably don't need the one hundred dollar cross trainers, pick something reasonable and with taste.

Other then that, I don't care, do whatever the fuck you want..

OK by now you are probably looking like a self-made person and hopefully a new born hermit, but there is still work to be done! Lets get you some nice reading material to bring to school or wherever you like to keep you occupied and to further re-enforce your hermitry, you should pick out things such as political works (anything will do, from ultra-conservative to communist texts), great sciencetific papers such as the theory of evolution and so on (way to many to list) also you can brush up on your history and Latin. Try to avoid bringing things such as "Sports Illustrated", or nike shoe catalogs and other things. Do not be ashamed to read these whenever you want, in front of your "friends", in class, at the work place, anytime that is suitable, if your peers scold you or poke fun at your new found interests then do what a true hermit would, first ignore them, they are trying to makeup for there ignorance. If they continually do this then you should explain to them that they have neither the interest nor the cranial capacity to comprehend anything beyond Michael Jordan and Michael Jackson and they should return to there futile conversation that will make no impact on the world as we know it today and you can refer to them as "normies", then depart and find a cozy corner and start reading.

That felt good didn't it? Yep I bet so, so far you look like yourself, you are reading things you like, and some people are beggining to look at you very strangely and have disowned you.. congratulations!

Hermit Recreation

Hermits usually don't need to be told what they can do with there awesome free time, but if you need some kind of inspiration here are some suggestions.

Normies usually say there is absolutely nothing to do inside, this is GROSSLY untrue.. they have been raised by there normie parents that you must go outside to have fun, not so indeed. I'm going to assume you have a lot of the luxuries of a modern hermit, however, if you don't; do not fret.. you are not an inferior hermit in any way, intact I bet you make a better hermit because you have to work harder to entertain yourself. But for this article's sake, I'll assume you have a(n): TV, VCR, Computer, Misc. Toys, Reading Materials, brain. The most obvious to do is to watch TV, however, this will become boring in a few hours because there is no interactivity, however, you can rent some good movies and anime to keep you entranced into the story, mysteries are fun because good ones will keep you guessing until the completely unfolds, anime, although I have seen very little of it, is awesome.. I viewed some anime on sci-fi and from what I've seen, its the best cartoon material, its not mindless American cartoon they aim at people, it often has adult material and plots.

Computers are limitless, you can go on the Internet (obviously if you are reading this document ON the Internet), play games, write some documentation/propaganda ( and its fun! :) ), do some other activities, its nearly limitless. The Internet is the best, some people call it a sub-culture or society, well it is some what true.. many things on the Internet are reminiscent of quote "real life" unquote except for one key thing, people act without restriction on the Internet when it comes to behavior, you will see the true behavior of someone who is acting anonymously, most of the normies at school usually go in the Internet chat rooms expecting to chat about "sports" (shudders) and tell some people to "FUCK OFF" and then leave laughing and smiling and thinking that they did that and they are so superior, quite pathetic eh? How do I know this? I'm an operator in one of the chans a lot of normies go into and have fun kick banning them :) However a hermit on the Internet does act as him/her true self, I may be wrong or possibly correct but if these "normies" were to suddenly be thrown into a solitary environment I bet they would act exactly as they are, they are only restrained by peers.

I'm getting off track.

But a hermit will see the Internet as an entity, not a single place owned by AOL as normies mostly think of it. The Internet opens up an entirely new world, MUDS can be played (multi user dragons, form of a RPG), news can be found, information can be acquired, and conversing. The great thing about the Internet is that it is not centrally controlled, not one single corporation or person owns it. The Internet can occupy an individual for several hours on end, its so complex but yet so simple that you can study just about everything about it and yearn for more. Most people fear the Internet because of its ease of communication, the hermit will exploit this.. the hermit can be more informed, more intelligent, and over all more entertained then normies who would rather "go outside" or rely on classrooms and other adults or others to convey news. My point is that the Internet is an entire new game, its non-linear and you can do just about anything you want to.

This page is the property of MrWooD. Which means if you copy my stuff with out my written consent I'm gonna hunt you down and gouge your freakin eyeballs out. And don't think for a SECOND that I wouldn't either. Because I will.